One Year Mark

It has been a year since dad was hit...he was hit on a Monday, but it was the 15th, so mom had a few hard days this week.

Sunday was also hard because it the last good day my mom had with dad. Monday was hard, even though it wasn't the 15th, it was Monday, and then today has been hard because it is the 15th---I have never thought about how the day of the week, plus the actual day, and the day before your life is upside down---could all be painful--some how, in my idealistic world, I thought only the actual date of the accident would be hard.

My girls and I are going to be here this week and Tandy has work in Denver this week so he is here in the evenings (after work) so that is really fun to have us all here--We are missing Angie and Jon, but are glad they are where they need to be.

We have something planned each day and each night we are here...Sedona's b-day is Thursday, so the Children's Museum and Chucky Cheese is on the agenda at sometime this week---

Some days it feels like the accident happened a month ago and other times it feels like years ago. Mom is doing so well. She still crys often, which is totally OK, but compaired to where she was, she is coming a long way. She has had some great experiences this past year that has helped her heal. She is still in deep greif, which is understandable, but life is managable for her.

On this trip up here I just started reading a book--ironically--about a man who is just hitting the year mark of his wife's death...

I wanted to type up some of the stuff the character said...
The Book--"Hannah's List" by Debbie Macomber

"I year ago today, I lost her. Even now, a whole year after her death, I can't of her without my gut twisting into knots. A year. Three hundred and sixty-five lonely days and empty nights...not an hour passes that I don't remember Hannah. Actually that is an improvement. In those first few months I couldn't keep her out of my head for more than a minute. Everything I saw reminded me of Hannah.
To simply say I loved her would diminish the depth of my feelings. In every way she completed me. Without her, my world is bleak and colorless and a thousand other adjectives that don't begin to describe the emptiness I've felt since she's been gone.
So here I am a year later, pretending to enjoy life and all I can think about is my dead wife. My one-year-dead wife....
I sat by her bedside night and day, unable to believe that there wouldn't be a miracle. It's stupid; but I certainly knew better...
As painful as it was to talk about Hannah, I had the burning desire to do exactly that. I wanted-no, needed-to hold on to her, if not physically, then emotionally.
"you doing ok?"
I shrugged rather than tell the truth--I wasn't okay. I was d--- mad. Still. How dared this happen to a women as wonderful as Hannah. How dared it happen to me!
If I close my eyes I can still hear her laugh. Memories sustained me that first year without Hannah."

I put that in hear because I have hear mom say most of these things to me. Through out the book so far I have seen alot of similarities with moms greif...he says later in the book--something like--
Even a year later people are wondering why I am not done greiving....or...They are annoyed with my sadness because they feel like I should have gotten over this--it has been a year....

We are trying to keep mom busy and happy, but we all find ourselves a little more tired and wornout than normal, which I know for me is a sign of the stress we are facing right now.

I told mom that I think that time helps, not with the hurt, because it will always hurt, but with the amount of time spent focused on the hurt.

On this year mark--I ask that each of you call and talk to someone you have been holding hard feelings towards--hug your loved ones tighter, and more often. Speak the words I LOVE YOU both verbally and in actions. Give up an annoying habit that bugs your spouse, or start a habit (like flowers, or love notes) that shows your spouse more love. Think of how your loved one wants to be loved--not how YOU want to be loved, or how YOU can love them--but how THEY want to be loved and work towards that! Always make your last words before they leave or at night, because those last words are important, when they do become "last words".

Thank you to all those who have called or prayed for mom and sent little gifts these past 12 months, every little bit of love helps the healing...