more from Amy

So I have one day left at mom's house until life gets back to "normal" and I am not wondering when I will be back with mom.

Angie is here for a while longer with mom and then her ward family gets to move in and get her all to themselves! I know they have been waiting patiently for that.

Angie, Seth, Drew, Amy, Pepper and Mom all flew home from Utah on Monday. We got a call Sunday afternoon with news that mom's friend Roberta was going to pass away very soon, so Angie booked us flights and we came home so mom can be with Roberta at this time.

We were sad we couldn't stay in Utah longer and spend just another day with mom's and dad's families, but Roberta is a mentally handicapped women mom has been a "mom" too for about 25+ years. We all have memories of her--trick or treating with us, even as a 60 year old women, doing a headstand in the backyard at age 65, countless trips to the zoo, many holidays with her at our house....she was my first visitor in the hospital when I was born.

Anyway---
The funeral for dad was very ... good. If that is what you can call a funeral for your own father.

The more mom and I have talked about it, the more we think the whole viewing, funeral, and burial is almost demented. You take the most grieving people and expect them to stand in a line at the viewing and comfort alot of others who are mourning, then at the funeral, again they are expected to talk or sing. And at the viewing along with the funeral you sit the people front and center who feel like they are constantly being watched, and then expect them to feel comfortable showing deep sadness and grief. For some of us showing sadness and tears is not an easy thing, then having a whole audience does not make it any better. Anyway...for any of you who have been involved in a funeral may have felt that and those who will one day be involved in a funeral...you have been warned. :) (thanks to Ellen who told us that we should be home in bed with the covers over our heads!)

OK now that I have vented, let me tell you how grateful we are for the rituals our culture has. I was a member of a grief counseling team for half a year at a school in Arizona. I took a one day training (which I have forgotten most of) and part of that was the different rituals different cultures have regarding loved ones who pass one. I have always found viewings so comforting because it is so easy to see the body is not full of life. That the spirit has moved on and the only thing left is the body---for those of you who are not of our faith--we believe that the body is like a glove and the spirit is like the hand. The glove serves no real function unless the hand is in it. Just like our body doesn't really serve a function unless the spirit is in it. I think that viewing makes that so clear. I have never seen a person who has passed on and NOT thought -- "well that person's spirit is no longer there".

Next the funeral, I enjoy going to funerals because they are so uplifting. What a great thing to celebrate a persons life. I love hearing the good a person was able to accomplish while on this earth. I have to laugh--as I have said before it is easy to "saint" someone after they have passed--meaning we forget the bad things that happen in someones life and only remember the good. On a funny side note, my husband (who is known for his sharp honesty) said "I think this is the only funeral I have ever been to where everything they said about the person was actually true.". Love it! I love hearing happy memories that people have of dad. It is amazing to hear stories that people have held on to and Dad didn't ever tell us!

I think the hardest part for me is the graveside. To walk away knowing it will be years until I see my loved one again. I am thankful that cemeteries are so peaceful and so calming. There is a great website called Findagrave (.com?- google it) and if someone has done the work you can look up almost any gravesite in the nation. It is great. We were able to look up the Fischio's and I will try looking up Grandpa Tom's later. It is a great service to post this information up if you love by a cemetery. Anyway--

I always plan on writing for about 5 minutes then write a whole book.

I will write more when I have more time again.

Thank you
Amy